War of the First Coalition

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"you guys are so goddamn scummy holy shit" -anonwaha

The War of the First Coalition (also known as The Great Heyurian Archipelago War, or The OTAKU/AGGRO-HAPI War) was the deadliest and longest war in the history of the Heyurian Archipelago, lasting from Turn 472 to roughly Turn 506. There were nearly two million total casualties. Both sides took quite controversial actions, and overall the war had a massive impact on the archipelago. It was fought between HAPI and a coalition between AGGRO and OTAKU. The full turn history of the war can be found here: https://cgi.heyuri.net/hakoniwa2/misc/OTAKU-AGGRO_vs_HAPI.html


Crisis in PC98 Island

PC98 Island had assisted HAPI in defeating pen Island in the Pen War, and assumed OTAKU-HAPI relations would remain a permanent high, having allied with The People's Republic of Shotacon Island(later the Lolislamic State of Shotacon Island and now Shotacon Island). After some economical and military failures, Rex de PC98 stepped down and was replaced by Me-tan de PC98 and the OS-tan Government on turn 301. The OS-tans were seen as "unhinged" and troublesome, but still had the best intention for HAPI, considering them a new ally. PC98 Island Military Intelligence had indicated that Parch Moon Island was in fact ruled by pen man(which later was discovered to be false), and that the massive amount of forests could be used to send another attack on HAPI. Consequently, PC98 Island fired 5 stealth missiles into Parch Moon Island, but upon realizing that Parch Moon Island was not in fact ruled by a disguised pen man, the OS-tan Government refused to admit that they were responsible for the attack. With evidence pointing towards the fact that PC98 Island had facilitated the attack, Parch Moon Island responded with 4 stealth missiles, which enraged the OS-tan Government as they sought immediate reparations. They had threatened Parch Moon Island with war if they did not receive 500M$, however PC98 Island had no real intention of fighting another war, but only sought to scare Parch Moon into giving them the funds. DESU Island(now Suigintou Island)(at the time a member of OTAKU) entered the argument about reparations, threatening PC98 Island with consequences if they did indeed attack Parch Moon Island, and also advising Parch Moon to join HAPI in case such an attack occured. PC98 responded with "dont piss yourself yet, our minister of the interior prevents us from attacking, as if we wanted a war we couldn't afford", which DESU took great offense to, and left OTAKU. Shortly after, PC98 Island was attempting to improve relations with the smaller islands in the archipelago, of which PC98's new ally, Lolislamic State of Shotacon Island, took great offense to as they were also trying to improve relations with the smaller islands, and saw PC98's prescience in their sphere of influence threatening. The Lolislamic State of Shotacon left OTAKU, and declared PC98 Island as their mortal enemy. PC98 Island was the first ally to DESU Island, also assisting them greatly in the Pen War, and had helped the Lolislamic State of Shotacon rebuild after they had abandoned the People's Republic of Shotacon to start anew. PC98 Island had considered them both very good allies and felt that the relations were stronger than they were, and losing both of them for petty reasons that PC98 Island would never leave them for made PC98 Island feel betrayed by HAPI, which they had done so much for.

On turn 369, the OS-tan Government was ousted and Rex de PC98 returned to power, quickly attempting to clear up any relations that the OS-tans had damaged. PC98 Island would repay Parch Moon Island for the attacks on 428, admitting they had done the attacks. On turn 390, PC98 Island reached out privately to pen man(disguised as leprechaun, leader of rainbow Island) about a secret defensive alliance against HAPI, as both islands had a mutual understanding of the threat of HAPI, considering DESU island had threatened them both with war when PC98 Island disagreed with the BAI and created a new blacklist for islands. The secret alliance was proposed to and accepted by Naked Apron Island, G Island(Upchuck Island in disguise), and Hachikuji Island; a new member of OTAKU. Before the secret discussions took place, PC98 Island had constructed a Monolith in case a war with HAPI ever broke out, and not many islands knew that the Monolith could be used to send the damage equivalent to a huge meteorite to a target island(just read the Japanese hakoniwa wiki ya idgyuts). After a failure to rely on their own farms, PC98 Island searched out for a island to subjugate into a colony that would permanently provide food in exchange for protection and funds. When Weezite Island was asked if they would accept the offer, they responded with an insult that can remotely be seen as a demand for war. Hachikuji Island was also on the hunt for a colony island, and to OTAKU's surprise; Chuu Island said that PC98 Island would not be placed on the HAPI BAI if they attacked because of what was misunderstood as a "demand for war". On turn 464, PC98 Island declared war on Weezite Island and was quickly joined by Hachikuji and Clover Island, who also wanted to receive benefits from the colony. Shortly before the war, Woodstock Island who was already allied with PC98 Island, accepted another proposal for subjugation, and so the need for a PC98 colony of Weezite was no longer needed and it was agreed that the island would become a colony of Hachikuji and Clover. PC98 Island would become Imperium PC98 大PC98帝國 Island, to suit the growing imperial desires.

On turn 469, anonwaha discovered the password for pen man's tripcode used to send the private messages, and leaked the messages (containing OTAKU/AGGRO's plots to attack and destroy HAPI) to the archipelago, raising tensions and questions of a OTAKU plan to attack HAPI. Some HAPI members suggested that PC98 Island remove his monolith, while HAPI Islands announced that they would take out the monolith themselves, an act of war. Suigintou offered Weezite Island assistance against OTAKU, but was declined, however OTAKU did pull out of the Weezite War in an attempt to avoid a war with HAPI. After long arguments, it was agreed that neither side would act aggressively because of the plans for the secret alliance. Despite this, on turn 470 Shotacon Island sent a barrage of missiles to the defense facility protecting the monolith on PC98 Island, which they claimed was an accident and sent 1100M$ in reparations(however they later admitted that the attacks were an attempt to start a war, but HAPI looks past things like this when it's their own islands doing it). Late in the same turn, PC98 Island and G Island received messages in their guestbooks, presumed to be from HAPI (but actually were not), stating that HAPI declared war on their islands. PC98 Island would launch the monolith into Suigintou and G Island and Hachikuji Island would target Chuu Island, initiating the war.

Overall Summary

Several members of AGGRO had begun secretly communicating with each other since before the Pen War ended (Turn 200~). There they made plans and discussed strategy. Eventually, Rex Imperator de Insulae Magnum PC98 of PC98 Island also began secret communications, reaching out to AGGRO and Hachikuji Island to propose a secret alliance between them. As their islands grew they began formulating a plan involving dropping PC98's monolith on Suigintou Island. Talks were going well, until one day Chuu Island began intercepting the coded messages. After some time, and many late nights, a special team of Chuu Islanders cracked the code the Coalition was using and revealed all their secret plans (penman used a horrible tripcode password, "manman"). HAPI was outraged. Upchuck (who had been disguised as G Island) had his cover blown and revealed himself. He insisted PC98 go forward with the plans to drop the monument immediately. He also challenged Suiseitou (of Suigintou Island) to a one on one duel. After some back and forth, the coalition created a new communication channel, one that would not be cracked by HAPI, and continued the discussion. They secretly decided to go forward with the plans to drop the monolith, but only after several turns had passed and they had made an attempt to convince HAPI they wouldn't go through with it.

The War

First Phase

Shortly before Turn 472, some mysterious false flagmessages began appearing in the guestbooks of OTAKU and AGGRO islands. The names written in the guestbook implied they were sent from HAPI members, declaring their intention to go to war, but since anyone could write any name in the guestbook, there was no evidence it was actually them. The OTAKU and AGGRO members, who were definitely very shocked and confused about this, decided to not report on these messages publicly or attempt to clarify them, and go forth with their plans and attack. The monolith was dropped on the northern side of Suigintou Island to devastating effect. The surprise first phase of the war went well for the First Coalition, in which they dealt much damage to Suigintou and Chuu Island. Several members of HAPI did not yet engage in the hostilities. Several land-destroying missile barrages devastated Chuu Island and put them out of the war offensively, forcing anonwaha to spend turns building several defense facilities to protect his few remaining towns and cities/leading anonwaha to try a more strategic approach by springing up many new villages and defense facilities, attracting and neuturing the effectiveness of OTAKU/AGGRO's concentrated attacks while other HAPI members fired at them. Suigintou Island also lost much of their firepower. However, the same turn PC98 dropped the monolith on Suigintou, an Inora made it to one of his defense facilities, blowing it up and taking out several cities and missile bases, which lessened the amount of firepower the coalition had from the start.

The early hours of the war also saw the battlefield spill out on the wiki, as seen here: https://wiki.heyuri.net/index.php?title=HAPI&oldid=2144

Second Phase: PC98 Seized

Further loss for the coalition came when wankerman(perthlord), joined. The next phase of The Coalition's plan was to mass produce several Mecha-inoras and send them to HAPI islands, and perthlord island had enough money to take part. However, due to his lack of knowledge of the game, Rex de PC98 of PC98 Island had to walk him through the process, being constantly derailed by perthlord's desire to discuss skirts. Rex de PC98, unsure if perthlord had set his plans correctly, used the same methods HAPI did to figure out perth's island password and accessed his island. FOURTEEN TIMES IN FOUR HOURS. Caught by the HIA, Imperium PC98 大PC98帝國 Island was seized by them and Rex de PC98 lost access (breaking into someone's tripcode PMs is okay though? viewing database of cracked tripcodes != breaking teh game rules!!!1) to his island in the middle of the war, severely hampering the First Coalition's progress. perthlord Island was immediately deleted upon perthlord's request, since he had already decided to create Rooting Island. This action outraged the coalition, though the HIA did not budge and kept PC98 Island for 8 turns (2 days) before giving it back. It is speculated that the HIA(anonwaha of Chuu Island) kept the island for so long to do as much damage to the Coalition's offensive effort, as Chuu was dangerously close to sinking and returning the island back to Rex de PC98 could have meant the death of Chuu Island.

During the time that Rex de PC98's island was seized by the dishonorable HIA, Upchuck, perthlord, and Hachikuji decided to attack the People's Republic of Makkudonarudo for no reason other than that they didn't like him. The PFM had no involvement in the war whatsoever and had only been discovered a handful of turns earlier. Despite having a vastly superior armament, the first Coalition volley missed almost completely, and they all gave up attacking Poptan (except perthlord, who would go on to destroy a few cities). This action was met with general confusion, especially since HAPI members were still firing on the Coalition when this happened. Rex de PC98 was a bit pissed when he learned of this.

After Gensokyo Island joined the war on HAPI's side, they were met by a barage of land destroying missiles which took out one of their two mines. Gensokyo was a mine dependent island, having no factories or oil rigs and only mines, both the size of 200,000ppl. This was the biggest loss for Gensokyo Island

Despite these massive setbacks, the Coalition's plan to send Mecha-inoras to HAPI islands continued on. However, this plan turned out to be a failure (as usual), as the Coalition hoped to have the Mecha-inoras appear near or on the enemy defense facilities. None of them did. As each Mecha-inora cost $3000M to build and none of them appeared where desired, it was overall a waste of money for the Coalition. The only benefit to OTAKU/AGGRO was that the Mecha-inoras did cause some HAPI members to waste turns attacking them instead of the Coalition.

Third Phase: False Surrender and Operation Last Stand

Operation Last Stand was a last attempt to turn the tide of the war back in the Coalition's favor, it goes as follows: The Coalition would surrender to HAPI, The Coalition would then build several missile bases to heal their wounds in the time of peace, then launch another surprise attack in order to dismantle HAPI's offensive capability. PC98 Island was the first to offer surrender, which HAPI was skeptical of but still accepted, then followed by the Upchuck Island and Hachikuji Island surrender. The Coalition had tried to get Pen Man in on the plan, but he was very drunk and sad, refusing to join the operation despite being an essential part of it, and continued to fight HAPI disorganized. Suigintou had not accepted the peace and continued to fire missiles at the Coalition. Now knowing the operation would fail without pen Island participating and Suigintou not allowing a break, Upchuck, Hachikuji, and PC98 now settled for mass destruction all over HAPI rather than the now impossible total victory. The participating islands, now stronger, launched land destroying missiles at Suigintou, destroying a few forests and cities. Suigintou used their enemies RAEG and spammed defense facilities around their remaining villages while the last of their operable missile bases got bombed by other HAPI members leading to all OTAKU/AGGRO leaders sinking or abandoning their islands soon.


Hence this was the first archipelago war that took place during the existence of CGI's chat feature, it featured much more rapid communications between islanders than the use of Game Discussion in previous wars had allowed.

Upchuck before going down with G Island
Rex Imperator de Magnum Insulae PC98 committing honorable seppuku, moments before the abandonment of the Island. Turn 506
  • "pen san has dick cheese" -Commander Angel
  • "...outside of politics I am rather gentle" -Rex de PC98
  • "We aren't terrorists. We are warriors." -Hachikuji
  • "every turn is a new AGGRO scheme..." -anonwaha
  • "read my name because I accidentally typed it into the name field" -there are certain plans that allow another plan to happen the same turn
  • "psychological warfare -> waha anger" -Hachikuji
  • "DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR!! BANZAI!!!!" -Rex de PC98's motto during the war, which was also repeated by Hachikuji.
  • "The AGGRO member cries out as he strikes you..." -Poptan
  • "you're allies didn't do shit to me, I did the damage to myself because I AM THAT BADASS" -Rex de PC98
  • "Bobrikovistan might be too isolationist Emo-yotsuba-xp.gif" -Bobrikov
  • "It's called 'confusing the enemy'" -Upchuck, after being asked why he and Hachikuji attacked the People's Republic of Makkudonarudo (who had nothing to do with the war)

The Great Upchuckian King's final message to the coalition: "This is it, gentlemen. I must go for now. I will be inactive tomorrow, but my last turns are all set. It has been a great honor fighting alongside you. Depending on who goes when next turn, my island may be sunk. Or I could perhaps hold on for a few more turns and cause some more damage, if I am lucky. If my island is still standing by Turn 496 I ask you to send some money, if any of you still live. In any case we will all be sinking soon, but it is not the end. I hope to one day see our dream of a HAPI-free archipelago come to fruition. We will meet again, in another life. I salute you all. Goodbye."


Very good yes

Combatants involved in the war
HAPI and Affiliates OTAKU + AGGRO + NCA
Chuu Island Flag.png Chuu Island PC98 Flag as of 411.png Imperium PC98 大PC98帝國 Island Crossed-Flags.gif Turn 506
Suigintou island.png Suigintou Island 2949.png pen Island Skull.gif Turn 516
Iopsd flag.png Iopsd Island Hachikuji Island Flag.jpg Hachikuji Island¹ Skull.gif Turn 502
Shotacon island flag2.png Shotacon Island¹ Gflag.png G Island Skull.gif Turn 499
Gensokyo-flag.png Gensokyo Island NCA flag.png Rooting Island Crossed-Flags.gif Turn 491
Clover.png Clover Island NCA flag.png Perthlord Island³ Crossed-Flags.gif Turn 475
Nau Heaven Island² The 2nd Lolislamic Caliphate Island
Yea7ln.png Republican state of nan Island (from Turn 504) N/A
PRMFlag.png People's Republic of Makkudonarudo N/A

Bold denotes islands who are considered the respective leaders/commanders of their side.
Skull.gif indicates the island was destroyed.
Crossed-Flags.gif indicates the island was abandoned.

¹Shotacon and Hachikuji signed a separate peace treaty on Turn 487 and neither were engaged in combat prior to, or after the signing of the ceasefire.
²Although Nau Heaven is HAPI, they expressed feelings of neutrality prior to joining the war, and gave limited aid to the islands involved until they seemingly left on Turn 484.
³Perthlord Island was abandoned by the HIA after the island was seized.
The People's Rep. of Makkudonarudo was not in HAPI, but fought against the coalition.

Neutral Islands

Islands who are not on the above roster obviously remained neutral so they could fap in peace for personal reasons and obligations.
However, there were a few notable islands approached during the war who declined/ignored a call to arms:

*Not directly approached with an invitation, but was clearly antagonized in hopes of provoking them into joining the war.


  • Rooting Island was voluntarily abandoned on Turn 491
  • G Island was defeated and lost all its population on Turn 499
  • Hachikuji Island was defeated and lost all its population on Turn 502
  • Imperium PC98 大PC98帝國 Island was voluntarily abandoned on Turn 506