War of the First Coalition
"you guys are so goddamn scummy holy shit" -anonwaha
The War of the First Coalition was the deadliest and longest war in the history of the Heyurian Archipelago, lasting from Turn 472 to roughly Turn 500. Both sides took quite controversial actions, and overall the war had a massive impact on the archipelago. It was fought between HAPI and a coalition between AGGRO and OTAKU.
Background
Several members of AGGRO had begun secretly communicating with each other since before the Pen War ended (Turn 200~). There they made plans and discussed strategy. Eventually, Rex Imperator de Insulae Magnum PC98 of PC98 Island also began secret communications, reaching out to AGGRO and Hachikuji Island to propose a secret alliance between them. As their islands grew they began formulating a plan involving dropping PC98's monolith on Suigintou Island. Talks were going well, until one day Chuu Island began intercepting the coded messages. After some time, and many late nights, a special team of Chuu Islanders cracked the code the Coalition was using and revealed all their secret plans (penman used a horrible tripcode password, "manman"). HAPI was outraged. Upchuck (who had been disguised as G Island) had his cover blown and revealed himself. He insisted PC98 go forward with the plans to drop the monument immediately. He also challenged Suiseitou (of Suigintou Island) to a one on one duel. After some back and forth, the coalition created a new communication channel, one that would not be cracked by HAPI, and continued the discussion. They decided to go forward with the plans to drop the monolith, but only after several turns had passed and they had attempted to convince HAPI they wouldn't go through with it.
The War
Shortly before Turn 472, some mysterious messages began appearing in the guestbooks of AGGRO and OTAKU islands. These messages were supposedly sent from HAPI members, declaring their intention to go to war. The AGGRO and OTAKU members, who were definitely very shocked and confused about this, decided to go forth with their plans and attack. The monolith was dropped on the northern side of Suigintou Island to devastating effect. The first phase of the war went well for the First Coalition, in which they dealt much damage to Suigintou and Chuu Island. Several members of HAPI did not yet engage in the hostilities. Several land-destroying missile barrages devastated Chuu Island and put them out of the war offensively, forcing anonwaha to spend turns building several defense facilities to protect his few remaining towns and cities. Suigintou Island also lost much of their firepower. However, the same turn PC98 dropped the monolith on Suigintou, an Inora made it to one of his defense facilities, blowing it up and taking out several cities and missile bases, which lessened the amount of firepower the coalition had from the start.
Further loss for the coalition came when THE WANKER MAN HIMSELF, perthlord, joined. The next phase of AGGRO's plan was to mass produce several Mecha-inoras and send them to HAPI islands, and perthlord island had enough money to take part. However, due to his lack of knowledge of the game, Rex de PC98 of PC98 had to walk him through the process, being constantly derailed by perthlord's desire to discuss skirts. Rex de PC98, unsure if perthlord had set his plans correctly, used the same methods HAPI did to figure out perth's island password and accessed his island. FOURTEEN TIMES. Caught by the HIA, Imperium PC98 大PC98帝國 Island was seized by them and Rex de PC98 lost access (breaking into someone's tripcode PMs is okay though?) to his island in the middle of the war, severely hampering the First Coalition's progress. perthlord Island was immediately deleted. This action outraged the coalition, though the HIA did not budge and kept PC98 Island for several turns before giving it back.
Quotes
Hence this was the first archipelago war that took place during the existence of CGI's chat feature, it featured much more rapid communications between islanders than the use of Game Discussion in previous wars had allowed.
- "pen san has dick cheese" -Commander Angel
- "...outside of politics I am rather gentle" -Rex de PC98
- "We aren't terrorists. We are warriors." -Hachikuji
- "every turn is a new AGGRO scheme..." -anonwaha
- "read my name because I accidentally typed it into the name field" -there are certain plans that allow another plan to happen the same turn
- "psychological warfare -> waha anger" -Hachikuji
The Great Upchuckian King's final message to the coalition: "This is it, gentlemen. I must go for now. I will be inactive tomorrow, but my last turns are all set. It has been a great honor fighting alongside you. Depending on who goes when next turn, my island may be sunk. Or I could perhaps hold on for a few more turns and cause some more damage, if I am lucky. If my island is still standing by Turn 496 I ask you to send some money, if any of you still live. In any case we will all be sinking soon, but it is not the end. I hope to one day see our dream of a HAPI-free archipelago come to fruition. We will meet again, in another life. I salute you all. Goodbye."
Islands
Upchuck Island/G Island PC98 Island Perthlord Island Rooting Island Hachikuji Island Shotacon Island LOPSD Island Chuu Island
