Upchuck Island

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The original Upchuck Island after being bombed around Turn 117

Current State

Upchuck is on a journey.

Upchuck Island

Upchuck Island is widely believed to be the greatest civilization in the Heyuri Archipelago. Formally founded on turn 23, the first Upchuck Island quickly rose to fame and power. Before taking a larger role in the archipelago, Upchuck Island was made up of a few unaffiliated villages. They were all brought together under a single rule by Gestalt Upchuck (Turn -27,740 to Turn 671), a dashing young man full of life and ambition. His favorite book was The Curse of the Cheese Pyramid by Geronimo Stilton. Gestalt Upchuck was a man of great achievement, having advanced the archipelago in many ways:

  • First person to make a wiki page of their island
  • First (and only) to guess an island's password and steal all of their stuff!
  • Second to engage in all-out war against HAPI (the Wankerman was the first)
  • First to b0rk the table on the War of the First Coalition page

Upchuck was known for his scheming villainy, and his constant antagonizing of HAPI, whom he sought to one day prevail over. As of Turn 500, Upchuck had owned four islands: Upchuck Island, Newchuck Island, G Island, and Chrono Island.

The man himself.
Upchuck's cat.

Newchuck Island

After the sinking of Upchuck Island in the great war (see below), the king and the survivors fled and took refuge on PC98 Island. There they bided their time until a new, practically uninhabited island was discovered. The great king and his subjects sailed there and claimed it for themselves; they would start anew. Although it was decided to call the island Newchuck Island, the people still referred to themselves as Upchuckians. However, this new island would not last long. To get a quick gain in population, they bombed the then-inactive Secret Island, which put Newchuck on the BAI. This gave HAPI the excuse they needed to bomb Newchuck. It was destroyed on turn 176 (see below).


Upchuck national flag BLEURRGHH!

The Upchuckians are a proud and strong people. Many other peoples in the archipelago envy their prowess and good looks. A favorite pastime of the Upchuckians is a game called Chuckster. It involves two or more participants who arrange themselves in a line. They then compete to see who can upchuck the greatest distance.


Upchuckians are well-known in the archipelago for their strange yet scrumptious cuisine. Many of their dishes are made using grape jam and sclungus.

Great Upchuckian War


Upchuck Island would meet its most pressing challenge in the form of the terrible HAPI alliance, made up of scoundrels and lowlifes who wanted to prevent Upchuck from bombing random islands. It all started on turn 105 when Suiseiseki Island and PC98 Island of the OTAKU alliance started bombing ANARRU SEKKUSU Island. In the ensuing chaos, attacks by OTAKU were made on Milf Island, heightening tension and resulting in the milfs joining the HAPI alliance. Seeing this, Suiseiseki Island very quickly surrendered like a complete coward. Meanwhile, Gestalt Upchuck had planned to use the chaos to cause some trouble of his own, by launching stealth missiles at Chuu Island. Unfortunately, Suiseiseki giving up like an idiot loser meant all HAPI's attention was turned to the origin of the stealth missiles; it was quickly discovered that Upchuck Island launched them. Oops.

Thus Gestalt Upchuck owned up to his actions and warned HAPI to back down; they did not. A great firefight ensued, one of such great magnitude that had never been seen in the archipelago before. First, DESU Island attacked, then five other members of HAPI soon began firing missiles in great quantities at Upchuck Island. HAPI's attacks were answered with Upchuckian missiles, which killed tens of thousands on Iopsd Island. Upchuck's defense facility prevented much damage and luckily missed being hit for a long time. However, eventually one of Gensokyo Island's pinpoint missiles would strike true, destroying the facility and leaving the island open to attack.

After that, it was all but over. The island itself could not withstand barrages from 6 islands (Secret Island joined in too because Upchuck randomly attacked them some time before). A secret Upchuckian operation to steal all of Shota Empire's funds and food proved to only prolong the island's demise. Eventually, Upchuck Island itself sunk beneath the waters of the ocean...

DESU War of Aggression and the Newchuck Genocide

After Upchuck Island sunk, tensions in the archipelago lightened, and peace once again reigned. However, when Newchuck Island was founded some time after, tensions once again rose. The mere presence of such a powerful and cool island frightened some HAPI members. Among these was DESU Island. In an effort to gain population more quickly, the Upchuckian King decided to bomb the inactive Secret Island. However, this move gave HAPI the excuse it needed to attack Newchuck, as bombing any island, even ones that have been inactive, gets you on the BAI (which is a stupid rule). On turn 168, DESU Island began bombing Newchuck Island. People's Republic of Shotacon, upset over the Upchuck's previous thievery of Shota Empire Island's resources, also joined in. Newchuck Island, only having been formally founded some twenty-odd turns earlier, had very little in the way of resources to fight back. But fight the Upchuckians did. Rex of PC98 attempted to stop the fighting, but was met with threats from DESU Island, a member of both HAPI and OTAKU. DESU Island continued bombing Newchuck Island, laying waste to it. Pen Island sent food aid to Newchuck, as well as attempted to stop the fighting. This led to increasing tensions between HAPI and pen man, and may have been a contributing factor to thePen War

. The Upchuckians, refusing to surrender to such a wretch as DESU, was bombed until nothing remained. It sank on turn 176. The Great Upchuckian King and his surviving subjects took refuge on pen Island. After the destruction of pen Island during the Turmoil of Turn 200, Upchuck and pen escaped the sinking island in a rickety boat and were stuck at sea for many turns. Eventually they landed on the island that would become G Island. Penman soon left on his own and found his own island with he called leprechaun Island.

G Island

After the Newchuckian Genocide, Upchuck determined that to make it in the archipelago he needed to get off the radar, and so took on a disguise and started calling himself "G-man." Although his cover was almost blown when he tried to help penman during the Pen War, "G-man's" true identity remained hidden as he expanded his new island. Only a few island leaders suspected who he really was. His identity was finally revealed during the beginning stages of the Great Archipelago War, when AGGRO's communication code was cracked by HAPI members.

G Island was sunk on Turn 499, after having a total of 219 missiles from HAPI launched at it over the course of nearly 30 turns.

G Island's flag


Upchuck joined the NCA as the second member on around Turn 40, making Upchuck and THE WANKERMAN part of one of the earliest and longest-running alliances in the entire archipelago. Not to mention, the coolest. They are still good friends, the wankermans actual identity could be Yngwie Malmsteen.

Chrono Island's flag. The most well-designed yet.
DESU Island's comment after most Newchuckian cities were completely destroyed